Well, I don't know how to start but I just wanna share what's in my mind that made me think i'm crazy and need to be heal.. Think whatever you want cause everybody have their rights..
I actually been broken for this past few months.. Someone who I trust the most, who I give my all with, and who I love suddenly become a big liar and betrayer.. We've been together for seven years, we share many things but that person made a huge disaster into my life.. This person think what this person done is helping me, but the fact is this person is really wrong.. From that moment I realize this person only use me for earning all the benefit from me.. I lost everything my time, my money, myself, and my family for a long time that I spent with this worthless person. I don't know what was my relationship with this person back then but I remember clearly that we made a commitment and this person double crossed me..
It's not only that the moment I lost everything that person got everything.. So I start questioning where's the justice? Why i'm the only one who feel this painful situation, why not that person? That person is doing something terrible but that person got everything? What the.... I'm lost, angry, disappointed, lonely, upset, got nowhere to go, and i'm almost ending myself.. You know that word when you feel so depressed.. But I try not to.. Cause I still have the one and only reason to live is my family.. They never leave me, they always accepting me for who I was and what i've done.. And I'm so so sorry that I left them for a several years just because of that stupid materialistic person.
I stand up slowly to get back on my feet without using a getaway.. My family there watching over me, my best friend there giving me a support and he always remind mo not to fall into the same mistake again.. Now that I live my past behind sometimes I just heard something from my friend that they updated about that person do in social media or what the fuck that person use.. Well i'm just giving my big smile.. Cause every single thing that person try to get are fake.. None is real cause life wasn't about living in a romantic stupid drama.. That person update this, update that, share this and that, make a story that looks like everything is fine and happy.. Trust me it's all bullshit.. That person only need people attention, that person only need a confession from others, and that person is very thirsty of all that things.. That person will do anything to get that although that person have to hurt others. I start to think maybe i'm not the one who need to heal cause i'm not faking anything.. That person need to be heal...
You know i'm not a religious person but I still have my faith in what I believe in as a Catholic people. And I've been away from God for a long long time but when I step on my feet to Church again for Easter Mass I feel like home. The epic thing happen is when we renew our Baptist vow and the Father throw the water at us, that water touched my head and suddenly I feel God touched my heart.. I feel like crying, i feel like I'm missing Him so much.. At that time I know God is never live me i'm wrong if I questioning Him, He never left and He always there.. I'm the only one who left Him behind.. Now I know what I need to do and i'm not lost anymore.
From all that bad experience I have confess all my fault and what I've done is wrong... Now I'm trying to be a better person.. Not the best person but better.. Nobody's perfect.. I'm just hoping someday that person won't living behind all lies and start to accept whatever that person are. Cause looking at you, i don't see happiness I only see a denial and lies..
